6.25.2015

I Hate Running

There, I said it.

You may have noticed I've been MIA lately.  And while there's no excuse, I do have a few decent reasons.  So ya, I've been busy working, being a mom and working on school.  But what seems to have occupied most of my time recently is hating running.

If we go back in time a couple months, you may remember that I trained and ran my very first half marathon.  And it was shortly thereafter that I also learned I had a femoral stress fracture.  (and a pelvic stress fracture that the Dr. says I shouldn't worry about)  So that means I haven't been running...well kinda.

All of my training has come to a screeching halt.  And aside from walking/jogging two 5k races and one half marathon (shh....don't tell my doc) I haven't been doing any running, or much of anything.  And needless to say it's making me crazy.

My Instagram and Twitter feeds are filled with inspiring runners, running gear companies and race sites.  Each time I look at my phone it hurts a little more.  Getting my Canadian Running magazine   last week crushed me.  And to be honest... I think I hate running.

I hate running because:
  • I can't do it anymore.
  • it took up such a big place in my life, I feel empty without it.
  • I loved it so much I ended up injuring myself.
  • the runner's high was so amazing that I want it all the time and I can't have it.
 
So I guess this is my rant.  As I drive past runners on my way to work I think "what great weather for a run" and then the bitterness sets in.  Maybe this post is just a way to get some of my feelings out and deal with this injury. Running used to be my outlet, my therapy, my me time and now that's gone.  I'm hoping that some of this anger, disappointment and negative self-talk will light a fire under my ass and get me doing something else.

Unfortunately, I'm still limited to what I can do physically, but somethings gotta give or I'm gonna explode.  They say there are 7 stages of grief and after a quick Google search it looks as though I'm stuck somewhere between stage 3 & 4 - anger and depression.  So I guess I'm grieving; grieving the loss of  running - my confidant, my motivator, my inspiration, my therapist and my friend.

So yes, I hate you running... because you left too soon.

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